High School is such a confusing time for some people. The culture there is so different from life in the real world. There is soooo much focus on looks and materialism and It's even more so than after high school.
Yesterday, was a particularly difficult day for Jessica. The drugs she takes for her chemo make her puff up. She gains weight and her skin gets really pale, not to mention that on top of that she has no hair. Now, add that to the culture and community of High School and think about it.
For the most part, Jess has been pretty easy going about the whole thing. She doesn't really care about what other people think. She's certainly not out to impress anyone, just be herself and be with her friends and let people think what they want. She gets comments and stares from people when we go out in public and tends to shrug it off pretty well.
Yesterday was picture day for school ID's. Jessica was pretty vocal about how disappointed she was with her pictures. She didn't care for how they turned out. When I looked at them, I couldn't believe how beautiful she seemed to me. It's funny, when you are in your teens (especially as a girl) you spend so much time and effort on make up and hair and getting your look just right. To most girls it's pretty important.......................almost self defining.
At home, Jessica is content to just hang out here with all of us with nothing on her head but a little bit of fuzz. Not too appealing if you are only focused on those things. However, as I've spent so much more one on one time with Jessica this year than ever before, I feel like I've been blessed to be able to see in Jessica what the Lord sees in her. She is precious and beautiful in every way. I've watched her faith grow more in this year than it ever has before. As a mom, I am soo grateful that she knows who she is, and it matters more what the Lord thinks of her than anyone else. It's no coincidence that she is becoming that way. Her experience with cancer will be a huge blessing to her in her life. It will bless her with selfless attributes that she wouldn't have necessarily developed otherwise. In our teen years, it's natural to be a little bit egotistical and self centered. We sometimes think the world should revolve around us and if we're not the beauty queen then we don't quite measure up.
When you have no hair, no energy, and people stare at you for the wrong reasons, or they don't look at you at all. You better have a pretty strong sense of who you are and who God sees you to be or it can really be a miserable experience. I wish every young teen age girl could have this kind of perspective to help her realize that as a daughter of God, her divinity, her virtue, her eternal potential is what makes her beautiful. It has absolutely nothing to do with hair, make up, body shape, clothes, or any other outside effect.
I think we women tend to still get this wrong as well and then send the wrong message to our daughters. We complain about being too old, too fat, too wrinkly...............as if the Lord judges us based on those things. How thankful I am for the Gospel of Jesus Christ that teaches us the REAL measure of the value of a soul. I am grateful for an eternal perspective that allows me to see (even if it is just a glimpse) what he sees.
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