Chemotherapy (induction.......or round 1) is over. Since her diagnosis, it looks like we won't need to stay the week at the hospital for 5 days of chemo since this type of cancer doesn't require induction to be that intense. We are grateful for that. She will probably get to go home today or tomorrow. Doctors say no visits from anyone who is sick or is living with anyone sick for a little while because her immune system is pretty wiped out right now.
Although there have really have been some tough days, we feel full of hope for Jessica. Life is drastically different for her right now. She is fully aware of that. What she has gone through and what she will continue to go through will change her. It will continue to change her (for the good.....we feel). We've been trying to help her not succumb to the temptation of being distant and depressed and letting all of this define her. I'm sure it's a huge temptation, but it's not the Lord's way. We've told her time and time again that every cell in her body and all its functions is in the Lord's hands and he has a specific plan for her. We've helped her remember that this test is helping her to see first hand the essence of the Gospel. You either believe it or you don't. There are just some things in life we don't get to control. Sooner or later (especially in situations like this) You've got to just turn it all over to the Lord. You have to, or you'll go out of your mind.
I believe that Jessica will be okay.......no matter what the Lord has ultimately in store for her, she will be okay. And not only will she be okay, she will be stronger and more equipt with Refining Christ-Like qualities that will allow her to better succor people and show compassion in her life. She'll have opportunities to develop deeper attributes of Christ as she goes through this. It's so cool to think that that is exactly what the Savior did for all of us. He willingly went through pain and suffering in this life so that he could better know our individual pains. He didn't have to do that, but he did so that he could know us better and have the kind of compassion that he needed to continue on through the Atonement.
This experience will be ongoing for quite some time, but already it has taught me so much. I won't look at the atonement ever again in the same way. My perspective of human kindness has grown. I've learned that even in our suffering, we don't really need to suffer. It's a choice.
There is a little boy in the room next to ours who has been here for 2 months. He's 9 and in March they discovered a brain tumor in him. Two days later he had surgery to remove the tumor, but it left him paralyzed, mentally and physically disabled in a very severe way and he must go through intense chemotherapy treatments on top of it all. THAT little boy is close to heaven. His room is full of angels. You can feel it when you walk into his room. It feels like the temple. This whole wing of the hospital does. A testimony that nothing happens by chance and we are Never left alone. The Lord is in it all. As hard as this has been. I'm so grateful to have been given this perspective. It really just solidifies even more what we know.
Thank you (I have to keep saying it) EVERYONE for your wonderful cards and gifts and acts of kindness and meals, and prayers, and phone calls, and visits, and trips to the store, and hugs to my other kids when they didn't have a Mom close by to do it. thank you for your faith, and your concerns and all that you do. Keep it up and pass it on.
We are not suffering................We are growing, and to quote our son Jaden, "Cancer can just go jump off a cliff."
No comments:
Post a Comment