Tired

This last month has been pretty brutal on our family, but mostly Jessica. She is so tired. She pretty much stays here at home and gets out of bed once in a while when she gets too tired of being in bed. Hair loss has accelerated and she feels yukky most of the time. Chemo every weekend so far for another few weeks.
We are also working with a couple of naturopathic Doctors (both trained in Switzerland in Complementry Oncology Alternative Medicine).

We are eager to see what they can do to help Jessica.

So many people have asked us how we are and what they can do to help. I used to be the person asking other people that question. That is so difficult to answer these days because how we are doing changes from day to day. It's never a constant.

As far as needs we have, our family is doing pretty well. What we need is for Jessica to be well, but the reality is, we don't get to control some things. So we press on with life the best we can and keep a chin up.

It's really hard to watch Jessica's life go in slow motion as it has these past two months. Everything for her is day to day.....sometimes hour to hour. Her goals for the day consist of not throwing up, getting up!, reading another book, downing her meds without throwing up, getting dressed, & trying to ignore how much hair is in the garbage can that morning. It's hard to see her this way. She has so little energy and is sleepy all the time. I miss her spunkiness, her enthusiasm for life and friends. I miss her playing the piano and singing (something she just doesn't have energy to do right now). I miss her energy and vitality, her kooky jokes, silly dancing to spunky songs, and making us all laugh in awkward situations.

The prednizone makes her very sleepy and edgy and moody and her Doctor says it can completely altar their personalities and make them mean. For the most part, she tries to maintain control, but I can see it's a fight for her. Most things are a fight for her right now.
I've talked to so many who have been down this road. They say it will get better. I have to hold on to that and have faith that it will.

Today is almost over, I will go sneak a quick nap by my daughter before the rush hour of the day hits. I'm tired too.

Tomorrow will be a better one.